if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
