my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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