I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
