True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
