I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
