please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize