He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
