thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
