Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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