I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
