Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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