Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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