STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize