we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
