none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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