Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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