Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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