if you like me you must not know who I am
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
