a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
