I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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