he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
