Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
