The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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