I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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