hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
