Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
