Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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