if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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