the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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