The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
