May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
