I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
