i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i now understand why vodka
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
