so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
