Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
