Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
