i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
