The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
false alarm. still invincible.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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