peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
