dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
