Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
