a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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