there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
