Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
