I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
