We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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