I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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