Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
