I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
