drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
