I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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