it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
