Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
