You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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