I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
