Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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