dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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