is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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