There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
