You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
