I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
