Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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