I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
