when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
