haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize