Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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