Im at strip club and am horny
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
