i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Mom said you looked used
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize