Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
