Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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