so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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