tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
