I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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