I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
