Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
