We got so high we made milksteak
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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