i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
