Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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