i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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