I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
