dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
