LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
