Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
