i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
