Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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