I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
