Got a toothbrush?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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