So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
