im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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