Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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