More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
