You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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