i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
