HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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