Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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