Define "chronic" masturbator.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
