I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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