i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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