Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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