Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
