maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
