I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
