OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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