frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
