May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize