so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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